


To be free

by Sulfuric_animus



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Drug Use, Evan is Dead™️, Overdose, Suicide, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-13 00:38:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13558974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sulfuric_animus/pseuds/Sulfuric_animus
Summary: If one person smiled at him on the way to the park, Evan wouldn’t do it.





	To be free

He promised himself that although it seemed like the right decision, if one person smiled at him on the way to the park, Evan wouldn’t do it. He was already approaching the tree where he made his first attempt, and all he’s receiving were scowls and blank stares.

Evan couldn’t remember the last time he was this calm. Perhaps he had never been, and dying was the only period he was able to experience true peace. His left arm ached, the pitiful reminder of his first attempt making every minute still living proof of his failure.

The little bottle of pills rattled in his pocket as well as the crinkle of paper in his pocket. Pulling the small bottle of Xanax out of his jacket, the little white pills stared at him invitingly, begging him to swallow. Popping the lid off, Evan slid two into his mouth. Then another two, then four. By the time the orange casing was empty, he felt numb. As he stared out into the bright blue sky, his view framed with trees and puffy clouds, he wondered what it would be like to see the world from up so high once more, but never again getting the chance.

Digging into his pocket again, Evan dragged the note into his clasped fingers. He figured that if anyone deserved closure, it was his mom. She tried so so hard and would most likely be the only one who would care about his death. In an odd way, the note was also for him, to get any thoughts out of his mind before he's gone.

Dear Evan Hansen,  
I suppose this is it. Whenever I imagined myself dying, and I have a lot, I’d always imagine being found immediately. This isn’t going to be the case. Jared has been ignoring me for the past month and mom is taking a triple shift, which means I won’t be seeing her until Sunday. I’ve tried so hard to be better, to be good, but I have been waving to others through this window of society all my life, yet no one has ever waved back. When I was a kid, I was promised the world, yet now all that I can see is the pure relief that this decision will grant me. For whoever finds me, I hope it brings you some happiness to know that I died happy. This is my decision and oh god has it brought me joy. I love you Mom, I love you so so much and don’t be sad, live your life and live it fully  
Sincerely, your bestest and closest friend,  
Me  
*  
*  
*  
It took three weeks for anyone to realize he was missing, and another four to find the body.

**Author's Note:**

> Sup this is a vent fic not to be taken too seriously, this was also written in 20 minutes on an iphone so if it seems shitty thats why ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
